Only what you have not given can be lacking in any situation

Yes, this is something else from the Course in Miracles (p. 368) which to me is simple and profound. We are so focused on what other people aren't giving us. They're not giving us love, appreciation, gratitude, forgiveness--you name it. We almost never turn it around and ask ourselves if we are giving others love, appreciation, gratitude and forgiveness.

I remember a friend complaining about her husband a while ago. She was explaining how he didn't appreciate all the work that she was doing around the house. "Is it too much to ask for a little appreciation??" she asked me. "Well," was my response, "Do you appreciate what your husband does for you?" "No way!" was her immediate answer. She later shifted into a softer place of appreciating him and their relationship improved. You can't bully someone into appreciating you. But usually if you appreciate them, they wind up appreciating you as well. It's pretty simple.

I was very angry with a friend a few days ago, whom I felt abandoned me at an event we went to. My immediate reaction was to leave him and never speak to him again. That would show him! Then the witness part of me chimed in. So you are abandoning him because he abandoned you? Does that make any sense? This is how the war continues.

I needed a couple of days to cool off, but I emailed him today as we have dinner plans. When he called me back, I found myself talking to him as if nothing had happened. Oh, right. He's not the enemy; he's a friend who is going through some stuff on his own. Guess what? He's not always open-hearted, but he is most of the time. How many times have I shut down my heart to him?

So whatever we feel is missing in our life, let's focus on giving that to others. It will come back to us multiplied. I promise.

Miracles--from the mouth of babes...

An old friend who is recovering from cancer visited me for a week this month. I was so grateful to see her because for a while we all thought that she wasn't going to make it. She was in intensive care for a couple of months earlier this year. It was a miracle that she was able to visit me this month and that we had fun, the way we used to when we were in our 20s. Well, we had much more fun now because we were both aware of what a gift our time together was.

My friend has a 6 year old daughter (forgive me Nina if I made you younger than you are. Perhaps you are 6.5 years old?) She found her daughter yesterday trying to write a comment on my blog. The little girl was frustrated because she didn't have an email address and couldn't write her comment. So my friend left me Nina's comment on my voice mail. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard:

Despina,
I believe in miracles. My mom is a miracle walking. I walk with Jesus everyday. I held his hand and I asked for a miracle, when my mommy was leaving this world but I wanted her to stay. He breathed air into her lungs and she is here. I believe that she will be here to see me grow up because I asked for another miracle. He will grant it to me because I believe He will. I believe He will reward you with a miracle because you believe in miracles.

The only thing people have to do is open the door. There is a whole world full of miracles there. Jesus is the keeper of the flame and grants miracles left and right. We just do not see them.

God said to his Son and all of us: You can change your mind anytime. I'm not changing my mind. I believe in miracles and I always will. Because I walk with Jesus and the angels and the fairies and all of our guides.

I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe in miracles. For me, for you, for anybody who is open-hearted and open-minded to accept them. I accept them. I'm grateful for them. And I shall be expecting them all the time because they happen.

I will pray for your miracle to appear soon. It will. You will see.

Nina.

I know that it's hard to believe that a 6+ year old wrote this. I can tell you that I didn't write it; I don't write with so much heart and faith. I have read that the children being born this decade are enlightened masters who will guide us to a world which is a Heaven on Earth. This letter makes me believe.

Whose reality is real?

I've been enjoying writing in my blog lately--especially since I'm discovering new ideas from the Course in Miracles. These ideas resonate with my experience and so I share them in case they resonate with others. I realize that they are different. That's the whole point. We all know what the cynical view of the world has created. If we want to create a different world we need to think differently. Otherwise we will get more of the same old, same old: stress, exhaustion, illness, death, aging, plastic surgery, painful relationships with the opposite sex, work that we hate to do but do to survive, etc. etc. Ugh! Who wants to live in that world?

A good friend who reads my blog told me about an argument she had with a doctor over what I wrote in my previous post. The nice doctor seemed to go ballistic because he doesn't agree with what I'm writing. I understand not agreeing with something, but what I don't understand is the anger and hatred that goes with it. Something must be threatened to elicit such a response. That something must be their reality, or view of the world.

We all live in our own worlds. There is no such thing as Reality with a capital "R". Well there is, but those of us who are not enlightened saints don't experience Reality. We experience reality, with a lower case "r". This is the reality that comes from our beliefs. If we believe that people are not trustworthy, untrustworthy people will show up in our lives. If we believe that all men have affairs, then we will constantly be finding men who have affairs. And so on, and so on. We can all give examples to prove our point as we live in a world that is determined from our own beliefs.

If you don't like something in your life, check out what your beliefs are. That's the good news. It's much easier to change your own beliefs than to change the world. Or for a metaphor, if you don't like the movie that's playing you go to the projector and change the film. You do not go to the screen and fight with the images. Since we are all making up the story we live in, why not make up a story that has a happy ending?

The true source of sickness

I wasn't intending to make this blog about the Course in Miracles, but each day I am receiving a lesson that really speaks to me and offers me a new perspective. I have to warn that what I am about to write is not "common sense". But then again, I don't think that my views on the world are common to begin with.

So today's lesson is about sickness. We think that sickness is caused by germs, viruses, bacteria, etc. but it's not. Sickness is a defense against the truth, the Course in Miracles states. In other words we make ourselves sick because we don't want to face the truth of who we are and what we want. If we faced these truths we would most likely need to change our lives radically--possible leave our jobs or our relationships. These changes are too scary and so we choose to get sick instead, to keep our world from changing.

Better to stay in the world we know, even if we're unhappy. That's how most of us think. It takes courage to take a leap of faith and go into the unknown, even if the known has made us miserable. But these days if we don't make a change the suffering keeps increasing until we are in so much pain that we have to move.

According to the Course in order to be healthy we need to:

• Stop attacking others, even in our thoughts. If we attack, the attack comes back to us and attacks our bodies.
• Stop judging others, as this is just another form of attack
• Stop making plans to keep ourselves safe from an uncertain future. This last requirement surprised me. Even though I know that "God laughs when he hears about our plans" I didn't realize that this focus on being secure in the future was a source of illness.

I have to say that my experience confirms the above. Last year I was very sick, losing my hair, and barely had energy to do anything. It was a time when I was being attacked on this blog, I was attacking, I was judging others, and I was working more hours than I cared to for a secure future. These days I am feeling much better. I have energy and the hair is finally growing back. People ask me how I got better. I can tell you it wasn't supplements; I tried and can't stomach them.

So all I can think of is that the Course in Miracles is actually working. I've been focusing on forgiveness, I've stopped attacking and judging (OK, not totally but much less) and I am living with uncertainty without making plans to fix it. This is working for me. Though I am not as comfortable as I used to be, I feel much more alive. Did I mention that I have a dancing partner and plan to take dance lessons once a week? Last year I could barely stand. So all in all, I have to say that life is good.

A healed mind does not plan

This is today's Course in Miracles lesson for me and it's perfect. I've been driving myself crazy thinking that I should be doing something, when I really don't know what to do. My next paycheck will be quite small, and there may not be another one after that. Should I look for another job? What kind of a job? Should I move? Where should I move to? I don't have a clue. And so right now I am doing nothing about the future. I am just doing what shows up each day to do. The next couple of weeks I will be busy with work as it is quarterly business review time. After that God only knows.

One thing that I have learned is to not take action if I am afraid, unsure, unclear, or doubtful. Nothing good ever comes of that. One of the first things I heard my spiritual teacher say years ago, is "If you don't know what to do, if you are thinking "Should I do this or should I do that?, then don't do anything. When it's time to move the decision will be clear." When I first heard these words I felt such a sense of relief. Whew! I could relax until I knew what I needed to do.

I have followed this advice since, and it's one of the hardest things I've done. Our culture doesn't support us doing nothing, especially in a crisis. Our culture cries out: Do anything! Just move! Don't just sit there! What horrible advice. It results in a lot of energy wasted and inevitably the wrong decision being made. If you hang in there at some point there will be clarity and you will know exactly what to do. And it will flow, and it will be easy. I know this from personal experience, though sometimes I forget it when fear starts showing its ugly head.

This morning the Course in Miracles reminded me that I don't need to plan my future:
A healed mind does not plan. It carries out the plans that it receives through listening to wisdom that is not its own. It waits until it has been taught what should be done, and then proceeds to do it. (p253)

What would the world look like if we stopped our frantic busyness and only did things when we were clear that it was time to do them? Life would flow much more gracefully and we would be much happier. I promise.

Do we have to be perfect to be loved?

A psychic told a friend that, in order to find a man, we needed to work on ourselves spiritually--be less angry, be more open hearted, etc. etc. When she told me I found myself getting angry. What's this? I thought. I've been working on myself for 20 years and still haven't met the One. I'm going to work on myself until I'm 100? I still won't be perfect.

This was an obvious but important realization for me. I know that my beliefs are always reflected back to me. When I'm angry or upset, I've usually hit on a belief that doesn't serve me--that doesn't serve my living a joyful life. The psychic's comment helped me realize that I've been holding the belief that I need to be perfect so that I can be in partnership with a man.

For years I thought that if I only looked beautiful enough--if I had the perfect body, the perfect hair, the perfect clothes, the perfect makeup--then Mr. Right would show up. Well, for a while I looked pretty good but nothing happened. At this age if meeting my partner depends on looks, it just ain't gonna happen. But I no longer think that's the key.

More recently I thought that if I was only enlightened enough--if my heart was open enough, if I was kind enough, if I was loving enough, if I never got angry--then Mr. Spiritual Right would show up. Well, I'm never going to be enlightened enough. I'm never going to be unconditionally loving all the time. I'm going to get angry some times. So I don't think that's the key either.

I have met women who are happy in loving, exclusive, long-term, committed partnerships. I can tell you that they do not look like they walked out of Vogue magazine. Nor do they look like enlightened gurus.

It's all about the beliefs you hold about yourself and your self worth. What if I'm worthy of love just because I am? What if I don't have to work hard to be worthy of love? What if I believe that love is available now to all of us imperfect beings? What if I just relax and enjoy the ride, and see if someone shows up who happens to like fiery Greek women who are fairly intelligent, communicate well, tell the truth, and look pretty good for their age?

Well, regardless of whether or not Mr. Right shows up, I know that I'm going to be a whole lot happier being myself rather than working hard to become perfect. How exhausting is that?

And when things don't work out, don't be motivated by fear

It's been a month since my last blog and things continue to change. I lost one of the part-time positions and now I am not earning enough money to cover my expenses. Do I like being in this position? NO! But am I acting like a "normal" person and taking anything that comes along? Nope.

An "opportunity" showed up recently in the same company (thank God this company is huge) for some reporting (yes, that's what I do to earn a living.) At first I was excited. Then I had a meeting and learned more details. This was a project that would be very time-consuming. The amount of money offered would have probably made my hourly rate a quarter of what it is now. I told the client, in a very polite way, that I really couldn't work on this project for that fee. It's not likely that she will be able to get more money in the budget.

A friend who was visiting me was surprised. "Aren't you afraid to let this project go? It's not a lot of money but it's something" she said. Well, I refuse to be motivated by fear. No matter how worried I am, if something is offered that makes my stomach feel tight, I say "no, thank you." It's not that I'm not afraid at times. The idea of not being able to pay my bills is not appealing. But I know that any decision made from a place of fear will back fire. I can guarantee that.

So what do I do when the world is falling apart around me and I'm worried and I don't know what to do? I do nothing. I don't move until it is clear what I need to do. And clarity always comes in time.

Something will show up that will be inspiring or at the very least will feel good. I trust that because I know that I am not meant to suffer just to survive. And if nothing else shows up in this company, then I can let go with gratitude for the 3+ years that I enjoyed working there and for the abundance that this company provided. If nothing else shows up then I am meant to have an adventure.

Stay tuned... I promise to write more frequently.