Earlier this year I attended a wonderful workshop by Donald Epstein (http://www.wiseworldseminars.com/) called the Ultimatum. One of the first things he said to us was, "I'm not here to help you answer your questions. I'm here to help you question your answers." Truer words were never said.
Lately I've been questioning my answers. Yesterday I was at my health club sitting by the pool (yes, I'm back in the world, and I love it!) I started talking with a gentleman who was probably a little older than me, and surely a bit wiser. My conversations are rarely superficial, as that bores me to death. So he asked me what the word "choice" meant to me. My reply was something like, "At any moment when I am making a decision, I have a choice--between self-betrayal and freedom." He smiled at me and gently said, "Wow. So black and white. Do you have any shades of gray in your life?"
Well, that gave me pause to think. It seems that I don't have much room for the gray areas. So my lessons come in extremes. I'm either earning a six-figure income or I'm totally broke. I'm either feeling the perfection of creation or I'm in hell. Whew! It's not easy being me. An astrologer once told me that I was born during a full moon. That means that I experience life in extremes. Hmmm...Can there be another way?
I also realized in talking to this gentleman, that while I think I want to be a speaker, I am no longer passionate about delivering any message. What the hell do I know? I'm just trying the best I can to evolve. And what is medicine at one point in my life--a spiritual teacher for example--can be poison later on. I don't want to preach to anyone. I don't know the Truth with a capital T. All I know is what is showing up for me in each moment. If I'm suppose to be speaking at some point, then it will happen organically. I cannot force it. Whatever gifts I have to offer, I can let God decide how they will be used.
Last night I came to this conclusion. I really don't have to figure things out. If God wants me to speak or write, He will create a venue for me. Otherwise it's just my ego, as an old friend once told me. This morning when I opened the Course in Miracles at random, I received the following: I need add nothing to God's plan. But to receive it, I must be willing not to substitute my own in place of it." Ok, God. I got it. What a relief. I don't have to have all the answers or really any answers. But perhaps I can ask some good questions, or help others to ask their questions.
So I invite you readers, to start asking questions in my blog. I'll write my own (most likely extreme) perspective and then we can open it up for discussion. But please don't ask questions that come from the mind. Let's up the ante. Ask questions that come from your heart, your soul, or even the deepest darkest depths of your despair. It's all welcomed here. You are welcomed here.
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4 comments:
Hey Despina.
I read your blog. Every week. I am just not one to answer, or dialogue. I'm not teetering on the same edge as you are right now, and things seem rather murky.
I love your blog. It has actually improved over time, becoming more and more honest and the writing more fluid and sincere. From one gut to another. That's enough from me. Miss you.
My mind is the Energizer Bunny…it never stops. I don’t get an answer to every question I ponder, but when a good answer comes along, I like to pass it on. I have a hard time feeling connected to a world of people except then, when I hit on an answer that I know moves me ahead one square and I can turn around to a fellow traveler and say: how about this. It doesn’t make me think of myself as wise or a teacher. Just a fellow traveler in a foreign land with a tip from the book of secrets. After all, if the tip is not right for someone, I’m betting they’ll never remember it.
When I was in the Middle East last year, an editorial I read lamented the manipulation by the Political Right to inflame fear and mistrust toward Muslims in broad strokes. The point was how easy it is to do, to create fear and loathing in groups of people with one hate speech…but to turn those people back around to truth and understanding, it can only be done one person at a time.
So we do need both. Speak out loud and address the crowd and you will reach one part of the brain, the part that can see a new direction. To reach the soul? Most of us have to hold the book in our hands, sort through the symbols and let the abstract thoughts rattle in our brains until the great aha!
Oh, full of it as usual, forgot to ask my question…if not ours to each other, when god answers, whose lips will he use?
Despina,
I believe that passion is behind our purpose, and you must have felt it at some point in your desire to
speak or write.
Maybe you thought you had a message, and have lost the passion for that. You may have come to the realization that you can't answer questions for others. After all,
you are "NOT A GURU", remember?
People seem to want answers to the
countless "whys".
I questioned my own "whys", and
realized that even if I had the
answer, it wouldn't make any
difference in how I lived my life.
I want to remind you that the venues are there for you, and
the voice of God is INSPIRATION.
I'm sorry I don't have any questions, because I don't believe
there are any absolute answers,
only a myriad to choose from.
Well, maybe one...
Don't we all gravitate to the answers that resonate with us?
How do we choose a religion? Would
we become a Baptist if we love to
dance? Or a Christian Scientist
if we need to take insulin?
We choose the path or "answer" that
resonates, until it doesn't anymore.
I look forward to the questions
that show up to be pondered, if not
answered.
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