Saturday, April 10, 2010

The challenges of relationships

Relationships are hard work. I don't mean sexual partnerships such as husband and wife. Those are super hard work which I have avoided--or rather it has avoided me--for two decades. People think that being in a partnership will be romantic and fun, and they will get their needs met. Well, that hasn't been my experience. Partnerships will push every button you have. If you are conscious you will use this to grow. If you are not, you will leave and start the same partnership with another person. There is no escape.

But I'm not talking about sexual partnerships. I'm talking about friendships. What do you do when a friend does something that triggers you?

Do you say something to her? Probably not a good idea when you're angry. The issue will get lost in the emotions, and it will be more about winning the battle.

Do you wait until you're no longer angry, and then speak to her? Possibly. But some time will have passed by then, and the issue will seem petty. Of course the real issue isn't petty. The real issue is usually something important, like trust.

And what if she's a defensive type of person, and she won't hear anything you have to say? Then isn't speaking with her a waste of time?

But if you don't say anything, these little issues pile up until you can't have a real friendship. Unspoken issues have a tendency to leak out and poison the friendship.

The easiest thing seems to be to not say anything and stop seeing the person--that is if the relationship isn't that important to you. But if you do that often enough then you are left with very few friends, or all alone.

I don't have the answers. This is an issue I'm dealing with right now. But it's a weekend, and frankly I would rather sit alone and read a book...

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