Thursday, March 18, 2010

Navigating the Dark Night of the Soul - Part 2

This is not about my workshop on Saturday, but rather about my own process in navigating the dark night of the soul. It seems true that we teach what we most need to learn.

Clearly the shadow people have been my own dark journey. What a perfect manifestation of the dark night of the soul! I tried everything to get rid of them: ignoring them and pretending they weren't there, battling them, performing banishment rituals, calling upon Archangel Michael with his sword to get rid of them, hiring shamans to clear my home, going to energy healers...You name it; I did it. After decades of studying new age metaphysics, I have a full tool box. But nothing had worked, leaving me feeling hopeless.

Well, I hadn't tried everything. A healer whom I see on a regular basis, who practices Network Chiropractic, had a very different suggestion for me. "I'm a pacifist" she said. "Have you tried talking to them and seeing what it is they want?" Uh, no. That didn't make sense to me. Putting my sword down and no longer fighting the dark? Wasn't that giving in to the dark?

As I prayed on this, I realized that she made sense. What didn't make sense was fighting a war. How was I different than these dark entities if I wanted to kill them, banish them, all in the name of my own survival? I realized that she didn't mean for me to be a wimp and let them take over. I had already done that. What she meant was that I bring in my own presence and shine my light on the situation, without anger and without fear. The way Home is the middle way; it passes through the place where dark and light meet. You cannot get to heaven by killing off the dark--not the dark outside, and not the dark parts inside.

Nothing can affect you without your permission. I know this, and I've been saying that I break all contracts and agreements that do not serve my highest good. Last night I realized that these dark entities were serving my highest good. They were showing me where I had given my power away. They were showing me what I needed to heal. If I'm meant to be a true teacher and support others in awakening then I need to be able to meet their darkness when it shows up. And it will show up to be healed. I've been praying to be such a teacher. How can I meet the darkness of others, if I can't meet my own?

Last night when the shadows showed up, I thanked them for the gift they had given me. I asked them if there was anything they wanted to say to me. They were silent. I slept well.

This morning I woke up feeling grateful for all the gifts in my life including--no, especially--those that have taken me to the dark night of the soul. These dark gifts are a call to love more deeply.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Battling the Shadow People

When I was young I enjoyed watching a show called Dark Shadows. I also loved Science Fiction and was a big Star Trek fan. Little did I know that these interests would prepare me for my very unusual life. There is a big part of me that is rational, logical, and good with numbers. That part knows how to fit in and also earns the income to pay the bills. It's the part I show the outside world.

In the last couple of decades however, the other part of me has grown--the intuitive mystical part that has abilities that are beyond normal. When I am meditating in a dark room I can see light fill the room. I can also see light when I am around enlightened teachers. That part is fun. What isn't fun is that I can see dark creatures as well. For months I have been waking up in the middle of the night seeing dark hooded figures floating by my bed. Needless to say I have not been happy about this.

I thought it might be my imagination until a friend slept over a few weeks ago. I had the best night's sleep and found out that she hardly slept at all. She felt these beings and tried to banish them, but they kept coming back. Having this confirmation, I decided to find out what I could about these dark hooded figures. I found out that they are called "shadow people" and that many people are seeing them at night. I found out that unlike ghosts, moving won't get rid of them. They will follow you. Unlike ghosts they have never been human beings; they are made up of fear and feed off of it. And they try to stop lightworkers from doing their work.

Instead of being afraid I got angry. I'd be damned if I was going to let a shadow person push me around. I cleared up my space, blessed it with holy water that I brought from Ecuador, put out pictures of saints, and called on Archangel Michael to support me. I started fighting them but the war escalated. Finally I had to take a step back and see how I was creating this.

I know that you can't end a war by going to war. I feel that I've been fighting the war between good and evil for eons, definitely going back to Atlantis. I realized that it was time to put an end to this war. Last night when I woke up at 5 am seeing these shadows, I told them that I would not fight nor would I comply. I had no contracts or agreements with them and they were trespassing. It was time for them to leave.

I went into meditation and started looking at my own shadow. Can I embrace my shadow, in addition to embracing my light? Can I end the war of good and evil within me? I hope so, for that is the only way to end it on the outside--by ending it on the inside.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Navigating the Dark Night of the Soul

That's the title of the workshop that I'm starting to offer (, having been through several dark nights of the soul and having come out on the other side. I figure that there are many people entering this dark part of their spiritual journey, and perhaps I can offer some guide posts to make their path easier to travel. I learned some lessons the hard way. Perhaps other people can benefit and have an easier time of it.

I used to think that I had to become enlightened (what ever that means) before I could support people on their spiritual path. But it finally occured to me that I would be waiting for a long time. In the meantime, I can't stop discussing spiritual issues. That's where my heart is. That's where my passion is. That's what I should be doing.

A friend helped me by saying, "You don't have to be enlightened to teach. You just have to know more than your students." That makes sense to me. So I've been praying to be a true teacher and to offer the gifts I have joyfully and with humility.

It's clear to me that life isn't about suffering and sacrifice. If you follow that which gives you joy, then you are doing what you came here to do. If you are not following your heart's desire, if you are not offering your gifts, then the Universe (God, what ever you wish to call the higher power) will send you a wake up call. First it will be a light tap on the shoulder. If you don't listen, it will become a stronger tap. Then a punch. Then the rug will be pulled out from under you, your whole life will collapse, and you will go through the dark night of the soul. This is not a punishment. It's grace pulling you away from the things that were causing you pain: the loveless marriage, the boring job, the energy-draining friends, etc.

I just read a quote from Seth, channeled by Jane Roberts, which states:
Organize your reality according to your strength, playfulness, dreams, joy, and hopes. Then you can help those who organize their reality according to their fears.

I found this to be profound, and I hope I am doing that.