Thursday, March 18, 2010

Navigating the Dark Night of the Soul - Part 2

This is not about my workshop on Saturday, but rather about my own process in navigating the dark night of the soul. It seems true that we teach what we most need to learn.

Clearly the shadow people have been my own dark journey. What a perfect manifestation of the dark night of the soul! I tried everything to get rid of them: ignoring them and pretending they weren't there, battling them, performing banishment rituals, calling upon Archangel Michael with his sword to get rid of them, hiring shamans to clear my home, going to energy healers...You name it; I did it. After decades of studying new age metaphysics, I have a full tool box. But nothing had worked, leaving me feeling hopeless.

Well, I hadn't tried everything. A healer whom I see on a regular basis, who practices Network Chiropractic, had a very different suggestion for me. "I'm a pacifist" she said. "Have you tried talking to them and seeing what it is they want?" Uh, no. That didn't make sense to me. Putting my sword down and no longer fighting the dark? Wasn't that giving in to the dark?

As I prayed on this, I realized that she made sense. What didn't make sense was fighting a war. How was I different than these dark entities if I wanted to kill them, banish them, all in the name of my own survival? I realized that she didn't mean for me to be a wimp and let them take over. I had already done that. What she meant was that I bring in my own presence and shine my light on the situation, without anger and without fear. The way Home is the middle way; it passes through the place where dark and light meet. You cannot get to heaven by killing off the dark--not the dark outside, and not the dark parts inside.

Nothing can affect you without your permission. I know this, and I've been saying that I break all contracts and agreements that do not serve my highest good. Last night I realized that these dark entities were serving my highest good. They were showing me where I had given my power away. They were showing me what I needed to heal. If I'm meant to be a true teacher and support others in awakening then I need to be able to meet their darkness when it shows up. And it will show up to be healed. I've been praying to be such a teacher. How can I meet the darkness of others, if I can't meet my own?

Last night when the shadows showed up, I thanked them for the gift they had given me. I asked them if there was anything they wanted to say to me. They were silent. I slept well.

This morning I woke up feeling grateful for all the gifts in my life including--no, especially--those that have taken me to the dark night of the soul. These dark gifts are a call to love more deeply.

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