Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Much of the book was familiar because it discussed the same ideas that are in the Course in Miracles. However Joel Goldsmith wrote this book back in 1963 and the Course in Miracles wasn't written until the 1970s. It was comforting to me that the teachings of this enlightened Christian and of Christ (who is the teacher of the Course) were so similar.
Goldsmith discussed prayer in a way that made total sense to me. He said that God doesn't know about health and wealth and cars and relationships. God lives outside this material dream that we are dreaming. So praying for such material things is really a waste of energy, as God cannot hear such prayer. Besides it is pretty silly to turn God into a delivery man or a servant. And it's even sillier to make bargains with God, as if God is holding back our good unless we give Him something.
The only prayer that makes sense is to pray for God's Grace. That, He can bestow on us. And when we have God's Grace then everything else will fall into place.
This is related to my last post of not trying to manifest magically but for allowing God's miracles to come. Rather than ask God for a job that pays a certain amount of money, and a nice place to live, and a man to love, and health, I can just ask for God's Grace. And that Grace will lead me beyond a job that gives me money to an unlimited supply that comes directly from the Source. That Grace will lead me to my life's purpose. That Grace will lead me not just to a special relationship with a man but to unconditional love that I can't even fathom. That Grace will lead me not to a nice place to live but to my Home.
My prayer for all of us in this new year, my prayer for the world, is to have God's Grace.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
One of the many discussions that I had was with a business man (who is also a closet High Priest.) He was telling me about the fact that he could very easily manifest whatever he wanted to, but that he wasn't called to do that recently. My immediate response was that he had probably outgrown manifesting (as described in the many Abraham-Hicks books.) At least that has been my experience. While I can manifest what I want in a very magical way--that's how I got the job at the hi-tech company I have been working for the last four years--I no longer am called to do that. Rather than the magic of manifesting, I prefer to have the miracles that God creates--the mystical.
What's the difference? When I try to manifest something, I am the one in control. I start writing down what I intend to create, and to the extent that it is specific I am micromanaging God's plan. The truth is that my imagination is limited to my past experiences, where as God's plan for me is unlimited. The miracles that come into my life when I let go of control are beyond anything that I ever imagined.
So do I give up on my intentions? No, I just get to the bottom of what I truly desire--unconditional love, causeless joy, passionate purpose, unlimited abundance, vibrant health, peace--and I let God come up with the plan. Above all, my desire is for Self-realization, and God knows that too. So anything that comes my way will be supporting me on my path Home and will be bringing me closer to these true desires. I trust that.
Surprisingly the business man/High Priest knew exactly what I was talking about. He had attended a workshop where they talked about the three levels of creating:
- Creating from the physical level of going out there and doing the job. This is the brute force method that most people use, and it involves a lot of hard work. I haven't worked at this level in years as frankly I am pretty lazy.
- Manifesting from the magical place that Abraham-Hicks describe, writing about the things you want and feeling the excitement of having these. I have been working at this level for the last decade or so, and as a result I get things done very easily without much physical labor.
- Allowing the miracles to happen from a mystical place. Since I started working on the Course in Miracles, the last six months, I have been operating more and more from this place. As a result I am constantly surprised (usually in a pleasant way) by the people and circumstances that are showing up for me. As long as I trust and stay open, I am in a very joyful place of adventure as dreams that I didn't even know I had are realized.
If you are operating at the first level, please stop working so hard. It's time for magic and miracles...
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Miracles are abounding right now. I seem to just intend for something to happen and I am amazed at how quickly I see results. A few days ago I woke up thinking that I wanted some closure on a friendship with a man whom I've been writing about. The relationship is intense: intense love and intense anger show up when I'm with him. Each time we part I feel that it may be the last time I see him.
Well, I didn't like the way we parted and I decided that morning that I would go into meditation and have a "talk" with him on the inner planes. I closed my eyes, visualized a beach, and saw him walking in my direction. Before I had a chance to talk to him, I heard the phone ring. I let my machine pick it up and heard his voice. Oh, well, I thought to myself, I guess I'm meant to talk to him in person. I ended the meditation and picked up the phone.
He said he was busy running some errands when he had the feeling that I wanted to talk to him. So he called. I knew we had a strong connection but I was still amazed at this synchronicity. We had a great discussion where we both really listened to the other person. I felt my heart open. I told him that I would like to be able to have fun with him, without all this processing. "What are you doing today?" he asked me. Well, work has been very slow so I haven't been doing much. "I'm free" I replied. Neither one of us had any ideas about what fun thing we could do, but we decided to meet and figure it out.
As I was taking a shower, I thought to myself how wonderful it would be to just soak in hot water. Harbin Hot Springs! was my next thought. That's what I want to do with him. I want to go to Harbin. For those of you who don't know, Harbin Hot Springs is a small retreat place near Calistoga, in Sonoma. It's about an hour and a half from where I live. They have a warm pool (my favorite), a hot and cold plunge (his favorite), sauna, steam room, great dinners, a temple, you name it. You can just go for the day if you like, or stay over.
Next thing I knew we were soaking in the warm water, with the rain pouring down on us (it doesn't matter when you're already wet), relaxing. All the issues, arguments, problems slipped away as we stayed in the present moment with each other. The evening was beautiful in a surreal way, with hot mists coming up off the water as the rain came down. We lost track of time until we got hungry and it was time for dinner. The food was delicious. We had a great conversation with the woman next to us. On the way home, we sang Christmas carols badly, without remembering most of the words. We've never laughed so much together!
All in all, it was the best time we've ever had. And it all started with my intention to connect with him in meditation. Our thoughts do create our reality--big time. So this is the time to have good thoughts of love, peace, and joy. How else can we create this in our life?
Sunday, December 12, 2010
A couple of nights ago a friend came over. As he has done the last few times he's visited, he went on and on talking about himself. When he's going through an issue, he discusses that and how he is resolving it. When he is feeling good about himself, he talks about what he's going to do with his life. It's not a conversation, as that would involve me participating. It's more of a monologue.
So this last visit he was talking about how present he was with a stranger and how much his heart was opening. When I asked questions, he was impatient with me--almost angry--as he snapped his replies. When I tried to talk about what was going on with my life, he started playing with his phone. He wasn't interested and the wind left my sail. I found myself leaving him mentally. He was happily talking and all I had to do was smile and nod my head. But I don't seem to be able to do this for long. Finally I told him what I really thought. I wasn't experiencing his heart being open at all. I wasn't experiencing him being present with me. Did he save the good stuff for strangers?
He was silent for a while and then put his coat on and left. I was relieved. Ok, now it was time to look at my part. The first realization was easy: this is what I do. I go on and on about something that interests me and I'm not usually curious about what's going on with my friends. Hmmmm...He was showing me how I've been behaving. I was projecting onto him a trait that I needed to clear.
Then a day later I got to visit a shadow of mine: the Despina who believes that the woman's role is to sit quietly and be there for a man. The belief that was running is that women live to take care of men--physically, emotionally, whatever they need. This wasn't something conscious that was running. But how could I not have such a subconscious belief, given that my mother, grandmother, and all the women ancestors for thousands of years have been doing this? I won't go into the details of the visualization--though it was extensive and fun--but I made peace with this part of me. Hopefully I won't have any more painful meetings with men as this part has now been healed.
We shall see...
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Recently I learned a couple of visualization meditations that have really shifted me. In the last few weeks I've become a visualizing meditation junkie, for several reasons:
- For some reason my visualizing has become much stronger. I really see things when I close my eyes, as if I am there (well almost.)
- For another reason, I am pleasantly surprised by what happens. It's become clear that I am not in control of this visualization. It seems to have a life of its own. Places show up that I couldn't imagine (well, I guess I could imagine them since they show up, but you know what I mean.) People show up whom I didn't expect. I feel their energy. I see things about them that I had forgotten. I wrote about this when I "met" my father, who passed away years ago, in one of my first visualization journeys.
- Finally, issues really seem to heal. I experience forgiveness and love. I lighten up. The outside world shifts too. It's pretty amazing.
The Universe seems to support me in continuing this solo visualization healing journey. A few days ago I bought a book called The Temples of Light: An Initiatory Journey into the Heart Teachings of the Egyptian Mystery Schools. As if my own visualizations weren't enough, this book leads me through 13 mysteries in Ancient Egypt via, you guessed it, visualizations.
Now my dreams are starting to contribute to this healing journey. Yesterday I dreamt about diamond engagement rings. I was then transported to a different year. "What year is this?", I asked in my dream. "It's 1973" was the reply. I woke up wondering what happened in 1973. Oh, I was engaged and had received a diamond ring. The engagement lasted five years because I couldn't get myself to marry him. I finally broke it off because I really wasn't in love with him. But on some level it seems that there hadn't been closure.
I proceeded to go into meditation and met my ex fiance on a beach. I gave him back his ring. I also gave him back his heart. I apologized for not loving him. When he was gone, I wasn't done. My first husband showed up. Oh, I needed to clean this mess up too. Then my second husband showed up. There were more men waiting for an apology. Ugh! I had forgotten how much suffering I had created in my 20s and 30s. Well, it was time to clean it all up, as the past has a way of seeping into the present and continuing to make a mess.
Thank God I have a tool for making amends in the visualization, as there is no way I would be able to find these men--nor would I want to.
No worry about my getting lost in these other dimensions though. My computer and hi-tech analytical job get me back in my left brain logic pretty quickly. I must admit, it's a bit strange having one foot in each world.
Monday, December 6, 2010
On the receiving end the lesson for me seems to be that it is disempowering to go to someone else seeking help. It's not that I haven't asked for help in the past. I have asked and I have been supported by some wonderful healers, psychics, and teachers. It just seems that these days the only true healing happens when I do it myself. I need to have the realizations on my own. I cannot stand someone else force feeding me their advice. Teachers are only worthwhile for me if they can give me tools that I can use myself. So teaching me how to do my own visualizations works; a psychic visualizing something for me doesn't. Being present with me while I explore a question works; someone else giving me the answer does not work.
On the giving end, I seem to be walking the razor's edge when offering advice. A few days ago a friend was telling me about his money issues, and I blurted out that he needed to look at his shadow. The problem was an internal one, not an external one. (This of course is true about everything.) This led him to have a huge realization that really shifted things for him. This discussion was still on my mind and I sent him an email today sharing some thoughts. That didn't go over well. He felt I betrayed his trust.
It seems to be a really tricky thing, when to talk and when not to. You can't make rules about never giving advice but my guess is that for me, I need to start erring on the side of not offering any advice. I also need to err on the side of not asking for advice as I usually wind up angry at the person giving it.
Rescuers get slaughtered, was a phrase in a book that I read recently. That is the truth. If you try to save somebody they will wind up getting angry with you. If someone tries to save you, you will wind up getting angry at them. Better that we all focus on saving ourselves.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
There were very specific, complicated instructions about what the medallion needed to be like. It needed a flaming sword in the middle. Ok, I get that. Archangel Michael has a sword. It needed a sun in the center. Around the perimeter a secret prayer had to be written in Enochian, which is apparently the language of the angels. Hmmm... I thought I knew of all the new agey things out there. Here was something I hadn't heard about. There needed to be an invocation in this Enochian language. Uh, I don't think so. This was getting way too complicated and was seeming more and more like magic.
As she talked I googled "Enochian prayer." Yep, there it was--the language of the angels. Prayers showed up in Enochian that were satanic, addressing Lucifer and other such beings that I had no interest in meeting. I stopped her and told her what I was finding. My friend is not gullible--quite the opposite. But she is quite psychic and she is open minded and the man who was the source of this information had been accurate. Magicians do have powers, but all powers do not come from God.
Magic, to me, is about being in control. It's about controling the forces so that I get what I want. It involves rituals that can get complicated and that can be dangerous, as you never know what forces you are going to bring into your life. The Course in Miracles is clear about giving up magic so that you can experience miracles. Miracles come when you surrender control and allow God to give you His gifts. I myself am a pretty good magician and can manifest things when I want them. But these days I am choosing to let God lead the way, as I find that what shows up is much better than anything I could ever conjure up.
The Course has brought me back to Jesus Christ as a true Teacher. I have read that Archangel Michael works with Christ, and that's fine with me. When I need to communicate with either of them I close my eyes, go into a quick meditation, invite them in, and talk to them. It's pretty simple. No angelic languages are needed. English works just fine. Silence works even better, as it is the language of the heart.