Earlier this year I attended a wonderful workshop by Donald Epstein (http://www.wiseworldseminars.com/) called the Ultimatum. One of the first things he said to us was, "I'm not here to help you answer your questions. I'm here to help you question your answers." Truer words were never said.
Lately I've been questioning my answers. Yesterday I was at my health club sitting by the pool (yes, I'm back in the world, and I love it!) I started talking with a gentleman who was probably a little older than me, and surely a bit wiser. My conversations are rarely superficial, as that bores me to death. So he asked me what the word "choice" meant to me. My reply was something like, "At any moment when I am making a decision, I have a choice--between self-betrayal and freedom." He smiled at me and gently said, "Wow. So black and white. Do you have any shades of gray in your life?"
Well, that gave me pause to think. It seems that I don't have much room for the gray areas. So my lessons come in extremes. I'm either earning a six-figure income or I'm totally broke. I'm either feeling the perfection of creation or I'm in hell. Whew! It's not easy being me. An astrologer once told me that I was born during a full moon. That means that I experience life in extremes. Hmmm...Can there be another way?
I also realized in talking to this gentleman, that while I think I want to be a speaker, I am no longer passionate about delivering any message. What the hell do I know? I'm just trying the best I can to evolve. And what is medicine at one point in my life--a spiritual teacher for example--can be poison later on. I don't want to preach to anyone. I don't know the Truth with a capital T. All I know is what is showing up for me in each moment. If I'm suppose to be speaking at some point, then it will happen organically. I cannot force it. Whatever gifts I have to offer, I can let God decide how they will be used.
Last night I came to this conclusion. I really don't have to figure things out. If God wants me to speak or write, He will create a venue for me. Otherwise it's just my ego, as an old friend once told me. This morning when I opened the Course in Miracles at random, I received the following: I need add nothing to God's plan. But to receive it, I must be willing not to substitute my own in place of it." Ok, God. I got it. What a relief. I don't have to have all the answers or really any answers. But perhaps I can ask some good questions, or help others to ask their questions.
So I invite you readers, to start asking questions in my blog. I'll write my own (most likely extreme) perspective and then we can open it up for discussion. But please don't ask questions that come from the mind. Let's up the ante. Ask questions that come from your heart, your soul, or even the deepest darkest depths of your despair. It's all welcomed here. You are welcomed here.