No such thing as happily ever after

There is no such thing as happily ever after. I don't mean this in a bad way. This is a good thing. Happiness isn't stagnant. It's not a destination, it's a journey. We don't reach happiness and then stop. Rather we reach the highest level of happiness that we are capable of reaching at any given point of time--given our beliefs and our past experiences. Then, as we evolve, we become capable of an even higher level of happiness. While this is a good thing, reaching a new level of happiness is uncomfortable because the old life has to be dismantled first, before the new life can begin. And usually dismantling is a painful process as we see the loss, but we do not see what is coming in.

I realized today as I was re-reading my book, Not a Guru, that I wasn't lying three years ago when I said that I was happy. I was happy at the time. I had a job that offered me everything that I had asked for. But after a while I became ready for a new level of happiness. I didn't just want a job that was easy and lucrative, working with people I liked. I wanted a job that I was passionate about, where I was inspired and inspiring, that was in service of a better world. I wanted to wake up and look forward to my day. And the old job went away not for economic reasons, as it would appear. It went away because I was asking for something more.

So what is coming into my life? It looks like I will have a speaking gig through the hospice where I have been volunteering. The head of the volunteers, whom I adore, wants to approach corporate clients and is offering me an opportunity to speak to them. She is giving me carte blanche to speak on anything I want. Hurray!

I've also been called to put together a new book from my favorite posts, along with narrative on the evolution over the three years that I have been writing here. I have to say that it's looking pretty good, and I have spent the last few days learning to write query letters and emailing literary agents. Regardless of what comes out of this, I feel good. The creative energy is flowing and despite the fact that nothing outside has changed in my life, I feel happy.

Magic imprisons but the laws of God make free

Magic imprisons, but the laws of God make free. This was a sentence in my Course in Miracles lesson today that really spoke to me. It also relates to a conversation that Shandi and I had in the comments section of my last post. So I thought I'd expand on it, partly to make it more clear to myself.

Many friends who know my circumstances--and of course anyone who reads my blog knows my "dire" circumstances--ask me, "Why don't you manifest what you want? You're such a good manifestor!" This is true. For years I lived what The Secret teaches. I could write down what kind of house I wanted, and magically it would appear. That's how I got my last corporate job. I wrote down everything I wanted in a job--great boss, good team, lots of money, easy, flexible hours--and I got all that. But surprisingly it didn't make me happy--at least not long term.

Three years down the road, when I was sitting in my office number crunching, feeling really bored and having no energy, I realized that the job I had asked for was not making me happy. When I discussed this with a fun loving friend, she looked at my list and said, "You didn't ask to have fun." No, I didn't. Nor had I asked to feel passionate about my work, to look forward to waking up in the morning and doing it, to be of service to awakening, to be inspired and inspiring. From my limited perspective I had created the "ideal" job, but as I evolved I realized that there was so much more I wanted than just easy money. My magic had imprisoned me in a small office, behind a computer, all alone, doing work I didn't care about, and paying off debts. Not very exciting.

In hind sight, I've realized that none of the things I thought would make me happy, did. So what to do now? I know that Florida is not my home. Do I put out my intention to go back to California? Well, California is the place I've been the happiest, but I've lived there 14 years and I'm not sure that there is anything left for me to do there. Perhaps it's time to live somewhere else. I'm open. And I'm asking for a miracle to lead me home. Same thing with work. I know I like to write and speak, and I would do these even if I wasn't paid--which I am not in this moment. But am I suppose to have a speaking or writing career? I don't know. So again I am asking for a miracle to show me the work that God wants me to do. I don't want to micromanage God any more.

So I am expectantly waiting for an answer, for guidance to my home, my tribe, my work. Once something clicks in place then I am happy to start creating and let my linear brain figure out the details. But I refuse to let my linear brain make the big decisions for me. It is the servant, not the strategic planner. I place my future in the hands of God.

The Light has come

I opened the Course in Miracles book at random this morning, and this is the lesson that showed up: The Light has come. Appropriate, I thought, for the 2012 new year. Funny I should think that, when twenty years ago I was sure the end of the world would happen in 2012. And it is happening, but not the way I thought.

Twenty years ago, when I first read all the dire prophecies for 2012--that the Mayan calendar ended and the end of the world would be upon us--I was terrified. At least, I thought to myself, I will have lived long enough. I was 38 and being 58 seemed quite old at the time. (Needless to say I feel a little bit different now.)

So what do I believe now about 2012? I believe that 2012 does mark the beginning of the end of the world as we know it. But that's not a bad thing. The old paradigm has not been working. All the systems--the educational, the political, the religious, the corporate--have been in place to enslave us. We've believed that we are living in a democracy, when in fact it is a plutocracy. Occupy Wall Street is an indication that we are all waking up to the fact that we have given our power away to money and the corporations. The end of this paradigm is not a bad thing.

I believe that the end of the world is showing up for all of us internally. We are all facing our greatest fears so that we can wake up from the nightmare. As more light is coming to the planet, the darkness--our fear, anger, and grief--is coming up to be released. It feels like hell while we are going through it, but we do come out on the other side with our masks torn off--more real, more vulnerable, more who we really are. This is a good thing.

So in this new year, rather than resolutions of what we think we need to fix, I invite you to put out intentions for your heart's desires. Don't even worry about how these intentions will be accomplished. These days I have been asking God (the Universe, whatever) questions rather than telling Him what I want. My questions, which I have been writing in the sand as I walk the Florida beaches, are:

1. Where is my home?
2. Where is my tribe?
3. Where is my partner?
4. What is my work?

The last question is the most important to me. My intention is that these questions be answered in 2012. What are your deepest questions?

Back to the Course in Miracles, the first paragraph of The Light has come states:

The light has come. You are healed and you can heal. The light has come. You are saved and you can save. You are at peace, and you bring peace with you where ever you go. Darkness and turmoil and death have disappeared. The light has come.

Today we celebrate the happy ending to your long dream of disaster. There are no dark dreams now. The light has come. Today the time of light begins for you and everyone. It is a new era, in which a new world is born. The old one has left no trace upon it in its passing. Today we see a different world, because the light has come.

May this be true for all of us in 2012. Happy New Year!