Magic imprisons, but the laws of God make free. This was a sentence in my Course in Miracles lesson today that really spoke to me. It also relates to a conversation that Shandi and I had in the comments section of my last post. So I thought I'd expand on it, partly to make it more clear to myself.
Many friends who know my circumstances--and of course anyone who reads my blog knows my "dire" circumstances--ask me, "Why don't you manifest what you want? You're such a good manifestor!" This is true. For years I lived what The Secret teaches. I could write down what kind of house I wanted, and magically it would appear. That's how I got my last corporate job. I wrote down everything I wanted in a job--great boss, good team, lots of money, easy, flexible hours--and I got all that. But surprisingly it didn't make me happy--at least not long term.
Three years down the road, when I was sitting in my office number crunching, feeling really bored and having no energy, I realized that the job I had asked for was not making me happy. When I discussed this with a fun loving friend, she looked at my list and said, "You didn't ask to have fun." No, I didn't. Nor had I asked to feel passionate about my work, to look forward to waking up in the morning and doing it, to be of service to awakening, to be inspired and inspiring. From my limited perspective I had created the "ideal" job, but as I evolved I realized that there was so much more I wanted than just easy money. My magic had imprisoned me in a small office, behind a computer, all alone, doing work I didn't care about, and paying off debts. Not very exciting.
In hind sight, I've realized that none of the things I thought would make me happy, did. So what to do now? I know that Florida is not my home. Do I put out my intention to go back to California? Well, California is the place I've been the happiest, but I've lived there 14 years and I'm not sure that there is anything left for me to do there. Perhaps it's time to live somewhere else. I'm open. And I'm asking for a miracle to lead me home. Same thing with work. I know I like to write and speak, and I would do these even if I wasn't paid--which I am not in this moment. But am I suppose to have a speaking or writing career? I don't know. So again I am asking for a miracle to show me the work that God wants me to do. I don't want to micromanage God any more.
So I am expectantly waiting for an answer, for guidance to my home, my tribe, my work. Once something clicks in place then I am happy to start creating and let my linear brain figure out the details. But I refuse to let my linear brain make the big decisions for me. It is the servant, not the strategic planner. I place my future in the hands of God.