Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The slings and arrows of projections

People's reactions to my blog never cease to amaze me. Sometimes I write something that I think is controversial, and no one reacts. Sometimes I write a post about something that seems innocuous--like women needing rest--and I get attacked. Some guy left an insulting comment on my last post. He called me a lazy hag and said that he wanted me to stay away from his women. A friend followed up with a comment calling him mean. While I appreciate and love my friends for defending me, they don't need to. I have chosen to write exactly what I think in my blog, which almost always is contrary to the way most of the sheep--oops, I meant Society--think. With this choice come attacks from people who are triggered because their way of life is threatened.

I'm not sure what's going on with the man who was so triggered by a column addressed to women. I can only think of one of two things: Either he's afraid his wife is going to stop working or he isn't willing to look at his own laziness. This has nothing to do with me, which I have to remind myself as these attacks are pretty new to me. My guess is that this is just the beginning, and I need to learn the lesson to not take things personally.

Of course since I can't take the negative stuff personally, I also need to not take the positive stuff personally. It's nice if people like what I write and agree with it, but to the extent that I need people's approval, I will be upset when I receive negative feedback. Better to just say what I think and let people do their dance around me, reacting as they will. If I'm pushing some buttons then I must be doing a good job.

I did go through a process of trying to figure out what to do with insulting comments. Do I delete them? Do I prescreen them? On the one hand, people are allowed to say what they want. But if they're not respectful then there is no opening for discussion. It's just some guy venting and taking his anger out on me. Maybe an enlightened guru would have compassion for him, see his suffering, and love this person. But I am not a guru, remember? So I have compassion for the women in his life, and wish them the strength to find themselves in the midst of his aggression. But if someone showed up in my house and was insulting, I would ask him to leave. So I think I'll delete his comment. This is not a post for people to spew their energetic vomit.

Setting boundaries continues to be the lesson for me.


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Anonymous said...

Say what you may... but you guys are still reading it, and better yet, taking time to respond! Ironic, yes?

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

You all sound like misogynist
school boys, with nothing of
substance to say. Despina does not
need me or anybody else to defend her. But you are getting to be
annoying pests to the rest of us,
who want to listen to what she has to say.

So, why don't you shut the fuck up
go play in someone else's yard and
get the fuck out of her way.

You annoy me too, my name is Kalli
another weird name and if you want
to duke the point out, bring it on
brothers. I will be happy to
oblige you. You can ask Despina
where you can find me, but pray I
do not find you first. I do not
take prisoners and I do not bluff.