Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Asking for what you want

In the last couple of days I realized something that is huge for me--even though it makes total sense. Rather than bitch about what you don't like, it's better if you just ask for what you want.

This is especially true in relationships with men. Has nagging ever made a man do something? Usually men just run for the hills, and frankly I can't blame them. But I have found that if you are happy and kind and you ask for something, men are usually happy to comply. They actually want to make us happy but can't do it if we're always complaining no matter what they do. Then they just give up because they figure that it's hopeless. But when you make it easy for them by being specific about what you want, then they will usually honor your request.

As an example I offer my experience this past Valentine's Day. I didn't have plans but was in the mood to have some fun. Fun is a new concept for me and I am starting to appreciate it. So I texted the one man in my life who shows up every now and then, and asked "Wanna be my Valentine for the day?" I have to admit that I had to think twice before I sent the message. What if I got rejected? What if this gave him the upper hand? What if he already had plans with someone else? All these thoughts were running through my mind. I realized that they were just fear thoughts and I refused to be intimidated. I would ask and I would see what happens.

His answer came back a few hours later: Yes. Not only that, but he had bought tickets a while ago to hear music at a jazz club. So we wound up doing the whole Valentine's Day full out. I got dressed in a new red dress and put on lots of makeup. He got dressed in his expressive way. He brought me chocolate truffles because I asked him to. This, despite the fact that he felt like a "square" which he avoids at all costs.

We drove to the city (I tend to forget that there's a beautiful city just half an hour away). The club was filled with happy couples. The music was great. There were red, heart-shaped lolly pops on the tables (corny, but I enjoyed it.) I even had a drink. Well, half a drink as I can't handle alcohol. It was called "Georgia Peach". It tasted like fruit juice but it hit me over the head. That was fine. I hadn't had alcohol in years and it was interesting to experience it again.

After the club, we walked in the city and then took a long scenic route home, enjoying the beautiful bay views. We joked, we laughed, we had a good time. We have processed issues together for over four years. What a relief to just enjoy each other's company and have fun. And none of this would have happened if I hadn't had the courage to ask for what I want.

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