Yesterday I was reading a book, Practicing the Presence, by Joel Goldsmith, a Christian enlightened teacher who always rings true to me. In one of his chapters he explains something that has been happening to me. He discusses the statement, "He that hath, to him shall be given; and he that hath not, from him shall be taken even that which he hath." While this sounds like a cruel statement, I understand it and feel that I am finally living it.
Lately, despite the fact that to the outside world I have so little, I have been surprised to find myself feeling really abundant. My focus seems to be constantly on what I have. As I sit in this cute cottage writing this post, I feel so lucky to be living in this peaceful home with a kind woman. I can go to the grocery store and buy whatever food I want. How abundant is that, after having to weigh every bit of lettuce? I can go to a free Shakespeare concert in the park that's right next to my house. I have all the time I need to sleep, to meditate, to read, to edit, to write. I have friends who visit or call, who invite me to various events. I have. And as a result I find that more things are coming my way.
Unexpectedly, an aunt to whom I lent money decades ago can pay some of it back this month. This money will help me move. I received a card from my mother yesterday with some money in it to do something fun. I had forgotten it was my name day. A girlfriend showed up with some new delicious moisturizer she just concocted. The goodies keep coming, and I feel overwhelmed by riches. To say that I am poor right now is an outright lie.
Goldsmith talks about not connecting our work with getting paid, but just doing work that shows up for its own sake. I find that this is what I'm doing. Each day I have a project to work on. Today I'm editing a chapter, yesterday I wrote a story, the day before I worked on some excel spreadsheets. None of this is Earth shattering. It's just what's showing up, and I don't expect to get paid much for it. So I do the work, to the best of my ability, and my needs are taken care of in a magical kind of way.
When I was working for the high-tech company, I was well aware that every hour I put in meant $90 in my pocket. While that sounds like a lot of money, the mentality that the source of my supply was this corporation, was one of scarcity. When I lost the job, I focused on what I didn't have, and even the little I had was taken away. Makes sense.
At this stage in my life, God is the source of my abundance. While abundance may come through various people, I don't confuse these people as being my source. And rather than having the drudgery of putting in time to get a paycheck, I get to do work in each moment that I am inspired to do, and marvel at the miracles of abundance that constantly occur.