I know it's been a couple of months since I've written. Lately I've been debating deleting this blog, or at least deleting all the posts up to this point and starting fresh. Much of what I wrote a couple of years ago--or even six months ago--isn't representative of who I am now. Intense self-inquiry and processing has caused some major shifts in my way of being. For one I don't feel as passionate about my beliefs. Beliefs keep changing; they keep being upgraded just like software. Ultimately all beliefs are limiting, but our computers need some kind of software to run.
In meditation last week, I asked why I've been doing such intense processing this last year. I mean, for a few decades now I've processed up the wazoo and have had several dark nights of the soul. But this last year--especially these last five months--have taken the cake. The answer that popped into my head was: You're going through a Second Saturn Return.
Oh, right. I remembered that Saturn Returns happen every 29 years. I'm 58 now, so that makes sense. When I started googling "Second Saturn Return" most of the information was very depressing. Apparently a lot of people die around 58-60 years old, if they don't pass this test. And if you flunked your first Saturn Return then you're in deep trouble by the time the second one comes around.
Well, after I freaked out for a while, I realized that this Second Saturn Return was a good thing. This passage marks the time of becoming a true elder, someone who has wisdom and can offer guidance to others. Well, that's what I've wanted to do for a long time, but it seems I wasn't ready. This time-out in Florida was Saturn's way of getting me to come back to my family and process some serious childhood issues that I wasn't even aware of. How can you be an elder when a raging five-year old is sabotaging you?
When Saturn returns a second time, you are being called to a new life. The first Saturn Return at 29 years of age, marked the beginning of being an adult. It was a challenging time for me. I went through my first divorce, moved to Manhattan, met my second husband, and got my first direct marketing job. All these intense changes set the stage for my being in the world, and succeeding in creating the material life I wanted at the time.
Now Saturn is returning to say that what I've done the last 30 years will no longer work. I'm being called to start offering my true gifts, not the marketable skills that I acquired along the way. When the time-out is over, there will be a new harvest--a life worth living. Already I feel the energy starting to move.
This Second Saturn Return is a generational thing. Everyone who was born around the time I was, is going through it. If you want to see if you're in it, there is a calculator: http://www.astrocal.co.uk/saturn-return.htm . If you're in it, the bad news is that you're going to be uncomfortable. But the good news is that this passage has an end to it, and it is calling you to a happier life.