Well, here I am again, living on the edge. Yes, I have landed in a nice home but work hasn't shown up yet. There's food in the pantry, and actually my house mate cooks incredible meals so I am well fed. There was enough gas in the car to go to the Petaluma Toastmaster's meeting yesterday, but not enough to go to Petaluma again today. Work that seemed promising has not materialized yet. I know that things can change in the blink of an eye, and so I have to keep reminding myself to stay in the present: Am I OK right now? Do I have food right now? Do I have a home right now?
Right now is the key phrase. I can't project myself even a week into the future as panic will arise. Living on the edge is keeping me in the present. In the present I am fine; if I project into the future I will be in hell. Sometimes I envy the people who think they have control of their lives--who invest and plan for their retirement. Planning is an attack against God, the Course in Miracles states. Whew! That's a relief. Let God lead the way, as I don't have a clue.
I'm not the only one in this predicament, though I may be an extreme case in this moment. Every where I turn, people who were well-to-do are losing their jobs and losing their homes. Why? I ask myself. So that they can unplug from the Matrix, comes the reply. So that they can find out where true security lies, not outside but within themselves. So that they can break through their fears and find freedom.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose, sang Janis Joplin. This seems true to me. The illusory fears that have kept us in slavery are vanishing. So what, if our credit rating comes down. What's in a number? So what if we have to file bankruptcy? So what, if we can't drive a new car, or buy new clothes, or be good consumers. We are being lead away from the Matrix which runs on fear and tries to keep everyone in the herd, to a place of freedom. But the shackles have to be removed. And they are. And they are.