Today I am in awe of how much I am being given. Despite the fact that I have not had money, I have felt totally abundant. And the fear of survival seems to have disappeared! I keep checking in with myself. I don't have money. Am I worried? And the answer comes back immediately, No. All is well in my kingdom. It's hard to believe that a fear I have been carrying around all my life has been replaced with gratitude. Woo hoo!
This morning I had a phone meeting with my tax accountant. I had been dreading it, but it turned out to be inspiring. He asked me how I was, and I explained that while externally things didn't look good, internally I was great. I felt loved and supported, and I was committed to doing work that I had a passion for: coaching and speaking. He was amazed, and then proceeded to tell me where he was in his life. We connected on a deep level, and never spoke about my taxes. We couldn't really, as his computer wasn't working. But it was clear that this conversation wasn't about taxes. At the end he told me he would take care of things, and that he would no longer charge me for doing my taxes. He would do them as a friend. " I love you dearly" I heard myself saying to him, and he responded in kind. I hung up feeling happy and full.
Then I went to my class at the Foundation of Spiritual Development. I love this class and wouldn't miss it for the world. I had just enough gas to get there and return, and not enough money to pay the $35 for the class. I spoke to the teacher during the break about not having money and he shrugged, and said to just leave anything I felt I could afford. I gave $3 and once again felt totally taken care of.
I came home feeling abundant. My housemate,who is a great cook, had left me a large pan of lasagna before she left for a long weekend. I have to admit that I have been eating better in the month-and-a-half that she's been living here than I ever had. Tomorrow a friend is taking me out to brunch and giving me money.
So being poor but totally happy, I got on my computer and saw a job for a marketing analyst in San Francisco that a friend had forwarded to me. I have the perfect experience for it and so I sent a resume, saying that I would be interested if it was part-time and remote. If it is , it means that my money worries are over and I can continue to pursue speaking and coaching. If it's a full-time job that requires commuting, it means that it was just a test for me to say no. Regardless I will be fine. All is well in my kingdom.