And I have to admit that I have felt good saying no. I have felt powerful. I have felt that I have been listening to my own guidance, and not agreeing to do things out of fear. But today two different friends talked to me about the possibility of switching from saying no to saying yes to life. When the first friend mentioned this, I felt that he wasn't getting where I was coming from. But he patiently talked about how saying yes to life opens up new horizons and gives way to abundance. "My prayer for you," he said, as we were driving through the lush country side "is that your life is as abundant as this lush nature, and that you are overflowing with everything that brings you joy." OK, I could accept this prayer. Then a few hours later a girlfriend told me how she had switched to saying yes to life, and how that was opening all sorts of doors for her.
I knew they were both right, but I found myself feeling angry. I didn't realize how much anger I was holding around being pushed to my limit financially. Getting in touch with that anger was a good first step. Then I asked God to help me switch to a yes. I started with little things. Yes, to the ice cream sandwich. Yes, to the check that my brother sent me to pay the rent. Yes, to the often intense relationship I have with a man who has been in my life for four years. For four years I have refused to even acknowledge that I am in relationship with him. OK, that's a good start.
I read a story a while ago about the three different levels that people exist in:
- The first is the camel, self-satisfied and half asleep, doing whatever is asked of him without question.
- The second is the lion, who wakes up and starts roaring "no" when he realizes how he has been betraying himself.
- The third is the innocent child, enthralled by the wonder of the world.