Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Don't throw out your demons; you may be throwing out the best part of you.

This was the advice I heard from a dance instructor today. Be careful before you get rid of your demons, because they may have the best part of you. You don't want to get rid of your demons, you want to transform them.

Well, the demon I have been dealing with lately is anger, bordering on rage. I am angry at the male friend who I feel has been disrespectful to me and to the Feminine which he professes to honor. I am angry that he uses what I call "spiritual speak" to defend his actions. "This is who I am," he says, in reply to my hurt feelings of abandonment. "Oh, yeah? Well who you are is a shit!" is my answer, right before I hang up the phone.

I am angry at my neighbor who left her cat out all day today while she went to work, without food or water, in the rain. She used to have a spare key which I used to let her cat in when he cried to go home. All of a sudden she took the key away with no explanation, and I am trying to figure out what is really going on underneath her constant smile. But she won't be honest with me, and the poor cat is suffering.

Frankly, I don't know what to do with this anger, which feels like a demon. It takes over and I find that I want to exclude all these people from my life. Even though I have felt love for them in the past, they are now persona non grata, and my deepest desire is to never see them again. How does love switch to hate? How do I get rid of the anger and bring peace back in my life?

It was a relief to hear the dance instructor say that I shouldn't get rid of this angry demon. It actually does contain a really good part of me. It's the part that is clear, that has a great bullshit detector, and that knows when someone isn't telling me the truth. It's the part that cuts through the politically correct crap and the pleasantries, and gets real. It's the part that shakes things up so that a relationship will either be based in truth and be more intimate, or it will go away because it is too superficial. This anger demon gives me the energy and the courage to make changes in my life very quickly. It serves, and I should not be so quick to get rid of it.

Now if only I could transform it to something calmer that does not attack first and ask questions later...Any suggestions?

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