This is probably the longest time that I haven't written in my blog. I apologize. My whole world has shifted and it was an intense process. I don't like writing until I have some clarity.
Helen Keller made the statement "Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." I remember reading this when I first moved to California and was experiencing a new life. At the time my life had become an adventure and I could relate to this. Somewhere along the line,though, I forgot. I don't remember the last time that I had an adventure. For four years I worked in my office, by myself, doing excel spreadsheets and getting paid well to do them. When I first got the position I was thrilled. Finally I could pay off debts. It was fun to be in the business world again. But as the years wore on, everything became routine and comfortable. I found myself getting bored and being boring.
Then the job went away. I gulped as I liked the security I thought I had. But I also felt the freedom of not being tied to my computer. Unfortunately this freedom was accompanied by fear. How would I pay my rent? What else could I do to support myself? No matter what I tried, nothing really took off. This wasn't surprising, as my heart wasn't in anything that I tried to do. But for several months I managed to make ends meet--barely. This past week however it became clear that the lifestyle I had was not sustainable. I could no longer hold it all together. I gave notice that I would be leaving my rental on May 31.
What I thought would be my worst nightmare became my saving grace. I realized I could let it all go--sell all my stuff and create something new. So I am taking my cats to Florida to stay with my mom, and I am going to Brazil for two months to be with John of God. Apart from this being a healing place, I am finding myself so excited about this adventure. And not surprisingly, the money is starting to flow again, as people are showing up to buy my stuff.
Last night I watched a movie called Pleasantville. It was about a black and white TV show in the Ozzie and Harriet format from the 1950s. Everything was secure, and known, and predictable. But then two teenagers from the real world went into this show and real life showed up with its messiness, passion, and creativity. And slowly the black-and-white people and their surroundings turned into color. I feel that after a long period of living a black-and-white life, I too am turning into color. Stay tuned...