Friday, January 14, 2011

Being comfortable is death

At the Ultimatum workshop I just attended, we were grouped together in "pods". I loved our pod and it's definitely part of why I enjoyed this workshop so much. I remember when we first met, we each talked about our issues, our pain. All except for one pod-mate who kept saying that everything was perfect as it was. I didn't believe her. I felt that she just didn't want to face her pain. When she finally broke out in tears at one of our meetings, I think my other pod-mates were horrified. I was happy. Finally she had shown up. Finally she was being real.

I was clear that I was not in this group to make my pod-mates feel comfortable. I was in the group to support their growth and awakening. To truly be alive you must be pushing your edge of comfort. Otherwise you're not living; you're just sleeping through life.

But while I'm clear that I'm not supporting other people's comfort, I'm not so clear when it comes to myself. I like being comfortable. I like to spend time reading a good book on my couch, knowing that there is food in the refrigerator and that my rent is paid. "What's wrong with that?" you might ask. Nothing if you only do it once in a while. Nothing if you're not betraying yourself to pay the rent. But I have to admit that my reading books at this point is more of an escape than a pleasure. And the way I've been paying my bills--at least for the last year--has been a self-betrayal. I've been doing it so I can stay comfortable in the same house and not have to expand my horizons.

I feel it's time that I stopped supporting myself in being comfortable, and started supporting myself in soaring to my potential. Rather than be comfortable, it's time to live.

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