I apologize for not writing sooner. I couldn't. I suddenly found myself in a deep dark night of the soul where there was no ground to stand on. I was fine with a relationship ending; I was fine with work ending; I was fine with possibly having to move. Then my neighbor's cat, Saki, whom I was very fond of, was hit by a car and died. A neighbor walking his dog found the poor guy dead by the curb, and thought he was my cat. So he knocked on my door to ask me. I knew my cats were safe at home (whew!) but I went out to see if I could identify him. To my horror it was Saki and I called his mom who was on her way home from work to tell her the bad news. We both fell apart and I found myself crying for days.
I knew that I wasn't just crying for poor Saki. I was crying for the death of all things: the death of relationships, the death of careers, the death of.... well, you name it. This threw me into a dark night of the soul where it wasn't clear if this life was worth living. I couldn't use any tools I had to get out of the despair that took over. Actually, I knew that using any tools would just be an avoidance. All I could do was sit with this despair. And pray.
Yesterday as I was passing by a beautiful Catholic church, I saw the open doors and decided to go in and pray. I am neither Catholic nor religious, but this church has a beautiful energy, with its stained glass windows that depict women saints on one side, and men saints on the other. I stopped by my favorite saints: Mary Magdalene, Anna, Archangel Michael, and St. Francis of Assisi. I asked St. Francis, who is the protector of animals, to take care of Saki's soul.
Then I went to the front and stood in front of a life size statue of Jesus Christ. I stopped my mind and meditated while looking at this statue, and the statue started to glow. The glow became a blinding light. I sat down and kept looking at the light show for about 20 minutes (I think. Time stood still.) Wow! I thought to myself. I'm not alone.
I could have sat in front of Jesus' statue for a long time, but finally decided I should go. How can I leave you? I asked Him, in my mind. You can't leave me, was His reply. And I knew that to be true. I left feeling peaceful, knowing that everything was OK, and my day shifted after that. More miracles happened, but I won't go into those yet. I'm still in awe of the unseen support that shows up when you pray in ernest.