I apologize for not writing sooner. It's not that I forget about you. It's just that I like to write when I have clarity, and lately I am not clear at all. I am confused about many things. I have questions but no answers.
Not much is happening in my life. Various "opportunities" show up, but they are not exciting--I can't muster up enough enthusiasm to do any of it--and so I don't get involved. I am aware that I need to earn money--like now--but I can't for the life of me think of a way to do it. When I think of things I've done in the past, I can't muster up enough energy to go after them again. Been there, done that.
Then I ask myself if I could create something that I am passionate about. It has to involve teaching, speaking, writing, within a spiritual context. That's all I can come up with. But I can't come up with a structure, a form, where I could use these skills. I feel stuck. I pray for inspiration but it just isn't coming. If I sit back will the universe drop something in my lap? Or do I have to make something happen? I imagine it must be a balance of the two, and right now I'm not doing my part because I haven't got a clue of what to do.
I'd like to think that this lack of interest is a result of "awakening" and being detached, but I'm not buying it. If I ain't feeling joy--and I'm not right now--then I am not on the right path. It seems I've been here before--cornered and not being able to find a way out--and then all of a sudden the bottom falls out and I'm in a new place. Transformation is occurring and I am joyfully in a new stage in my life. I would like to think that this is the case, but I don't know.
Am I the only one feeling this way? Sorry folks, but I have no answers these days, only a lot of questions. At the Ultimatum workshop I took in January, Donald Epstein said that he wasn't there to answer our questions. Instead, he was there to question our answers. Perhaps it's a step up to realize that we don't have the answers. It certainly is humbling...