It's been a month since my last blog and things continue to change. I lost one of the part-time positions and now I am not earning enough money to cover my expenses. Do I like being in this position? NO! But am I acting like a "normal" person and taking anything that comes along? Nope.
An "opportunity" showed up recently in the same company (thank God this company is huge) for some reporting (yes, that's what I do to earn a living.) At first I was excited. Then I had a meeting and learned more details. This was a project that would be very time-consuming. The amount of money offered would have probably made my hourly rate a quarter of what it is now. I told the client, in a very polite way, that I really couldn't work on this project for that fee. It's not likely that she will be able to get more money in the budget.
A friend who was visiting me was surprised. "Aren't you afraid to let this project go? It's not a lot of money but it's something" she said. Well, I refuse to be motivated by fear. No matter how worried I am, if something is offered that makes my stomach feel tight, I say "no, thank you." It's not that I'm not afraid at times. The idea of not being able to pay my bills is not appealing. But I know that any decision made from a place of fear will back fire. I can guarantee that.
So what do I do when the world is falling apart around me and I'm worried and I don't know what to do? I do nothing. I don't move until it is clear what I need to do. And clarity always comes in time.
Something will show up that will be inspiring or at the very least will feel good. I trust that because I know that I am not meant to suffer just to survive. And if nothing else shows up in this company, then I can let go with gratitude for the 3+ years that I enjoyed working there and for the abundance that this company provided. If nothing else shows up then I am meant to have an adventure.
Stay tuned... I promise to write more frequently.