Do we have to be perfect to be loved?

A psychic told a friend that, in order to find a man, we needed to work on ourselves spiritually--be less angry, be more open hearted, etc. etc. When she told me I found myself getting angry. What's this? I thought. I've been working on myself for 20 years and still haven't met the One. I'm going to work on myself until I'm 100? I still won't be perfect.

This was an obvious but important realization for me. I know that my beliefs are always reflected back to me. When I'm angry or upset, I've usually hit on a belief that doesn't serve me--that doesn't serve my living a joyful life. The psychic's comment helped me realize that I've been holding the belief that I need to be perfect so that I can be in partnership with a man.

For years I thought that if I only looked beautiful enough--if I had the perfect body, the perfect hair, the perfect clothes, the perfect makeup--then Mr. Right would show up. Well, for a while I looked pretty good but nothing happened. At this age if meeting my partner depends on looks, it just ain't gonna happen. But I no longer think that's the key.

More recently I thought that if I was only enlightened enough--if my heart was open enough, if I was kind enough, if I was loving enough, if I never got angry--then Mr. Spiritual Right would show up. Well, I'm never going to be enlightened enough. I'm never going to be unconditionally loving all the time. I'm going to get angry some times. So I don't think that's the key either.

I have met women who are happy in loving, exclusive, long-term, committed partnerships. I can tell you that they do not look like they walked out of Vogue magazine. Nor do they look like enlightened gurus.

It's all about the beliefs you hold about yourself and your self worth. What if I'm worthy of love just because I am? What if I don't have to work hard to be worthy of love? What if I believe that love is available now to all of us imperfect beings? What if I just relax and enjoy the ride, and see if someone shows up who happens to like fiery Greek women who are fairly intelligent, communicate well, tell the truth, and look pretty good for their age?

Well, regardless of whether or not Mr. Right shows up, I know that I'm going to be a whole lot happier being myself rather than working hard to become perfect. How exhausting is that?